OneFamily

I was reluctant to put this project online because it isn't nearly as precious as the actual book that I made, being able to see the actual pictures and turning the pages, but I want to share it with as many people as possible...

For my final photography project, I took pictures that my Grandma saved while escaping Vietnam and coming here to America and retook the pictures, with the same people, in the same position. This is a way to visually tell the story, that the space between the two pictures is 30-40 years of history that my family has been through. Though few words accompany the photographs, our story is told between the pages, and I bring this project to you. Thank you for taking the time to look at it and please let me know how you feel. Click below!

Bà Nôi

It was my grandma's birthday yesterday, so I'm dedicating this post to her, to tell her story, and to give thanks to her.

What an amazing lady...she's been through so much but she's still so strong to this day. I'm going to re-write her story as I know it, but there's probably so much more I don't know and don't understand. I really need to just sit down and talk to her...but I'm scared of stirring up sad memories...=/

My grandma raised my dad pretty much by herself. Her husband and two older kids were killed in the French-Vietnamese war...my dad is her youngest and only surviving son. They died when my dad was only a couple years old...so she had to work extremely hard as a single mother to raise him. She worked whatever job she can find and could only afford a one room shack in Sai Gon to live...times were tough...but she survived and had a big extended family that loved her to help her out. She was..the 2nd oldest sibling I think? So people really look up to her. Every time she goes home to Viet Nam people throw her huge parties to welcome her home.

She left home when I was one year old. My dad left her in Viet Nam after the war to find freedom and hope in America. I'll tell his story another time...but he came here and got married and was eventually able to sponsor her over. She left her homeland to come and take care of me. My mom and dad worked all day, so she was the only one at home to take care of me as I grew up. She fed me...changed my diaper, loved my unconditionally. There is no greater love and sacrifice. She left a place she was familiar with, with countless family members to come to a place where she cant' speak the language and can only get around by walking, but she did it for me and my siblings, and we are the people we are because of the way in which she raised us with love and care. We lived down the street from school and she would always bring us hot, yummy home cooked meals. We would get bored and want cafeteria food, but nothing could compare to her food and the love she put into it.

Gosh...what an amazing person...so strong even in her old age...she's been through so much pain and suffering, lost so much, but keeps on giving. She's also one of the most faithful people I know. Despite what happened, she still has unconditional faith. Every morning, she walks to church (about a 20 minute walk away) to attend mass in English even though she doesn't understand anything. Language is not a barrier to her. Because of her, I can speak the amount of Vietnamese I do, and for that I am forever thankful. So many times have I yelled at her, so many times have I been unappreciative and disrespectful...but she has never loved me any less. Through her I've learned so much...I don't know what I'm going to do without her...I need to remember to call her once in a while to see how she's doing...When I was at home, every time I left to go somewhere, she would make sure I have my wallet, keys, phone...at Cal, I don't have that anymore..and I'd forget...heh...I love my Grandma.

Cảm ơn Bà Nôi.

[All these picture were taken by my for my photography class. The first picture is digital, the other two are 35mm black&whute negatives, scanned and edited in Photoshop]

gosh...

I just go back home from watching "Ao Lua Ha Dong" (The White Silk Dress) that screened at Berkeley thanks to the Southeast Asian Studies department....gosh...what an amazing movie. The symbolism, cinematography, acting, message. It showed how much suffering my people, our people went through because of the war, but it also showed the beauty of my homeland and the infinite amount of love that can come from within a family...the immeasurable, unconditional love despite poverty, loss, and sadness...and there was definitely a lot of sadness...=/...but...it showed it as it was. How war can tear a family apart, how the poor live dayto day, having barely enough to eat to survive...

The mother was the culmination of the spirit of mothers...she loved her children more than anything, sacrificing anything and everything to give her daughters a chance for a future, to make they can go to school to learn and to grow. This is the mother that I want to portray to the world through culture show...the unconditional sacrifice and love.

~kinda spoilers ahead...skip if you haven't seen it?

The movie was made in Vietnam, so it made me thing politically, about what message was being portrayed. Obviously the communists wouldn't allow themselves to portrayed in a bad way...but i guess, they toned it down...either that, or stuff was cut out. The Viet-Minh liberated people from a French controlled corrupt governor, the people going after the communist hurt the main character...the bombs that landed were marked with USA...but i think that's it...at least how I saw it...the story focused on the life of the family and the poverty and unjustice they faced.. yea..the cinematography: weather themes, color schemes, and foreshadowing was pretty amazing though.

--

So after the movie...I call my dad and he told me never to go back to Vietnam again. He was going off about some island being sold or something like that (I didn't understand it all...my Vietnamese is getting hella rusty...) and so I hung up on him...oops...I probably shouldn't have done that, but I didn't want to hear it. I love Vietnam, I love my country, I love my family and friends that are over there. To never go back is like being severed from a part of my. My roots are in Vietnam and my Vietnamese culture. There, my people live and need help. I don't know the complications, the details, how politics work...when it comes down to the core of who I am...I AM VIETNAMESE and people in Vietnam are my people and if they need help...I want to do it somehow, even if one person at a time. Call me naive...but it's how I feel. I will be returning to Vietnam...I plan to for a year after I graduate, to learn the language and to see how it really is, to live, to learn, to explore a fundamental part of who I am and who I will be in the future. Bonjour Vietnam.

wow.

This is gonna be quick, cuz I'm super tired and still have to finish my photography project...
I just got back from a senate meeting in which they were voting on the bill to fund the SASC Intercollegiate Summit to unite Southeast Asian folk from all over the country...the event itself was born at the begining of this semester through the dedication and passion of Monica and her committee and has made it this far to have 150+ registered participants from all over the nation...just the event itself and the honor UC Berkeley has of starting something like this is just so amazing...

FiComm on Monday was super supportive, and although we couldn't get the $1,500 we asked for in the begining we were allocated $1,200 which was really good. The FiComm senators were generally super supportive and gave us the most they could...thank you! It was also amazing to see the community out there to support...shoot when it was our turn to talk...there was at least 30 of us standing behind Monica and the committee planning ICS. Love and Solidarity to the max!

Now, after the bill is passed through FiComm, it has to go to senate for them to vote on it. Here...we hit a snag. There are just so many organizations and people with causes and issues that are important to their community, a lot of senators couldn't justify giving us the amount that FiComm allocated for us...I wasn't there for most of the meeting, but I came at the end...and again, we had about 25-30 people there to support from the community, those that are Southeast Asian, as well as friends and community supporters. Eventually they brought us down to $1,100 which is still realllyy good and we all snapped and clapped and hugged ourselves out of there.

This experience is part of what Berkeley's all about, fighting for what we believe in, what we need as a community, working together to tell people how much something means to us and how far out dreams, ideas and ambitions can go to change our community and to change the world. Berkeley is the place to be.

Up next....FiComm for Culture Show...wooohooo! ^____________^

School.

Am I going about things the wrong way?

During high school, I took a ton of community college classes at both De Anza and West Valley because I was bored with high school academics, and wanted to get ahead for the future. I was able to take Vietnamese, architecture, drawing, psychology, human sexuality, survey of pop culture...it was fun! I enjoyed taking so many classes and being kept busy...and this is all on top of clubs like Yearbook, the National Honor Society, Future Business Leaders of America, and the Associated Student Body. Those were good times, I learned, I played, I community serviced it up and got my Associated degree even before I graduated HS.

3 years later...here I am in Berkeley, taking only 2 classes and working 28 hours a week with VSA and SASC as parts of my life. I'm working so much so I can pay rent, my own bills, my own food and whatever other expense I have so I don't have to burden my parents while two other kids are in college.

I should be here to learn right? To know all the details of the American War in Southeast Asia, in Vietnam...to take Asian American Classes, and Public Policy classes, and Business classes to learn as much as I can and make the most of my time here at Berkeley...academically...right?

BUT I DON'T HAVE TIME!

Exactly...I'm involved sooo deeply in VSA, sometimes, I spend more time doing VSA things than school. I love it, and everyone in it, and the time commitment is going to get greater and greater as culture show starts to get rolling. SASC, APAC, NSU, and just being out there to support other groups is so fulfilling and such a great experience.

I talked to a few people, and they were telling me that it's what you value, what experiences at Berkeley and in College that matters to you is what you should pursue, and I guess they're right.

I've always been in the mindset to get the minimum done, to take only the necessary classes to get out of here and to be able to participate in as many extracurricular things as possible. I'm just re-evaluating my choices right now...and feel that I should be learning more, so I KNOW KNOW stuff...I love what I'm doing, I just don't feel like I'm making the most out of my education at one of the freaking best universities in the world!

Sometimes, you just want to stop studying to memorize facts...to write papers that don't go anywhere...to build projects that don't matter to you and will never get built...sometimes you just want to go out there and DO SOMETHING in the world, to change it somehow into something BETTER. That's how I feel right now...kinda.

UC Berkeley...such a beautiful place with beautiful people
with so much passion and potential to
make this world a better place.

[picture take by me from a random digital camera from the 5th floor of Wurster before going home for Thanksgiving Fall 2006]

Happiness

so...you know that space between reality and dreaming when you're like half asleep?

I was at my grandparent's house in Napa, sleeping on the ground, and suddenly I get jumped by a little kid. I wasn't sure what was going on...the sun was shining through the window right on me...it was warm and the kid was burring his head into my chest and just holding really, really tightly while he was smiling and closing his eyes. Gosh...I was soooooo happy, it was like...the perfect moment.

Makes me what to skip all this madness and just be happy, with a family, making sure my kids know they're loved and that they'll be good people who will do great things when they grow up.

*sigh*

[picture taken by me w/ 35mm black&white film]

Flow of Information

Gosh...the flow of information these days is getting to be way too much! Just keeping up with e-mails, chatting with people, blogs and new sites...there's so much to read, to understand, to respond to..it's crazy! Just getting caught up each day can take like..1-2 hours! That's like...1/12 of a day JUST managing information and making sure you're on top of things...madness!

oh..and tequila tastes like water. =P

Self Portrait

I'm taking Intro to Photography (VS181) with Janet Delaney and it's been an awesome experience, shooting with a Canon AE-1 SLR Camera (thanks Charles!) with black and white film, processing and developing everything by hand. I learned how to take pictures, and the technical things behind and I've grown really fond of it. The project we're working on right now is about portraits. I'm posting the self portraits I'm going to matte and put on the wall =]


Inspired by the skit I was in for Summer of Rice 2007 "Words, Words, Words" written by David Ives, Directed by Vanessa Van Zerr, with monky buddies Angela Ren and Huan Dong! Good times =]

Prayer

There's just something about praying in a group...wherever I am, with whoever...When I join hands with people in a circle to pray and close my eyes, I feels as if everything turns white and I'm super far from everyone else, but we're still connected, holding hands in a circle. It's as if God is in the middle of us, listening. Maybe it's just in my head, but it's still so powerful to me.

I've haven't been going to fellowships recently, because of a few reasons..
1) Time...there's just so little time and so many things that matter to me. I figure I can invest my time into things that I won't be able to experience later on in life, such as VSA, SASC, and being part of other campus orgs, I'll always have God and the church later in life
2) I'm good with God right now..I think...so I don't really NEED a fellowship right now..
3) Especially with IV, it's been a long time since Freshmen year when I really got to know people, I feel disconnected from a lot of people, I recognize them on campus, but I hesitate to say Hi because I don't know if they remember me...so yea..But I bumped into Jessica on the way home and she was telling me how they're trying to bond too, that not too many people in our class really KNOW KNOW each other. They're doing a get together away from Berkeley and maybe camping to get know each other, but again I can't go because of so many other commitments..*sigh*

So I go when I can, to Seekers after work and to IV on Fridays that don't have anything else. Worshiping and praying with each other is great and I'll do it whenever I can.

Gosh..there's so many things to be a part of at Berkeley...to do the things I love with the people I love.

Dattebayo!!

Why is Naruto so inspiring? Haha gosh...just the heart they put into the battles and the people they fight for...so amazing! I like cheer when I watch certain scenes...you just really get into it! i wish I were a ninja...^_^ *kage bushin no jutsu*..oh man, if only!!

and so it begins...

Heya! So I figure I should keep a journal of things, so I don't forget and so I can put my thoughts into concrete words. I'm not the most eloquent writer, and I don't expect this blog to become on that people check often...it's just a place to store my thoughts, my memories, my reflections on the many things that happen in my life. Yeap. This is me, as honest as I'll let myself be to see what madness ensues. Wheee!